8. Now, the Birds that Fly Overhead Leave a Trail

So here is: I have rape fantasies.


I think this is why: I want to experience it.  I want to dip my fingers in the water.  I want to do what everyone else is doing, but I also do not want to have the responsibility for my own actions.  I want be able to cry "Foul!  Not fair! Not my fault!" and still get to try on the sexual side of being human on for size.

In my mind, it happens with someone I know, and in a way that is not traumatic (clearly, because I want to have consensual sex without the responsibility of making a choice).  I realize it doesn't happen this way, especially as the victim of child molestation, but this is a reoccurring observation of mine. 

More reflections to come, but for now just this tidbit.