9. Now, Normal Teenage Experiences. Now?!? I just turned 20...

Ok, I have been telling this story in long form to so many people that I am tired of it.

Short form:

• My friends tried to set me up...on Valentine's Day. (Actually, it was at a birthday party, so the date is completely accidental...I would like to believe.)
• This is a young man that 6-7 of my friends have be talking me up to for about half a year.  No one bothered to let me know until 2 months ago.
• There was a good deal of hype before we met, and I admit it made me curious, and piqued my interest.
• At the party...no fireworks.
• We work in associated clubs...I get to drop in on him on occasion.
• How have I never met him before?  Half of our friends are the same people.
• We stayed up in the club office until ~4 AM talking about patent law and the pharmaceutical industry.
• I can think of nothing more attractive than a man who can engage me in conversation.  No lies.

Pros:

We both work just as hard the other.  (We understand each others ambitions and priorities.)
We have common interests and common talents. (Helpful in a relationship...for my part I really enjoy talking to him.)
We are on the same intellectual level.  (This is like the first hoop for me in a relationship.
We are both independent and easygoing.
I respect him now, and I respect his goals in life.
I understand his parents line of work. (Yay scientists!)



Cons:
He enjoys drinking at parties.  (Hmmm...but he is quite responsible.  I grew up in the South where there is a fairly strong taboo against alcohol.  Here in the North the leaders of my church openly talk about alcohol they enjoy, even to the point of expressing the comfort of an open bar during long wedding receptions.)
Not a virgin.  (Forgivable...like I said, with my strict definition of virginity, I am not sure I am a virgin.)
Thinks pre-marital sex is natural.  (RELATIONSHIP CONTROVERSY ALERT...see more below.)
We both work all the time.  (So who has time for each other.)






So this makes me consider two points?
1) Is this a viable option?
2) How to make sense of the controversy around pre-marital sex?


When we were discussing some mutual friends dating, he made the comment that
Sex is natural.  Sexual desire is natural.  But there are many natural actions that we restrict, and many natural emotions that should not be acted on.

What is even the big deal about sex?  Why is it so restricted?  Why is it so revered?  Why is something so primal and basal considered something holy and sacred?  Granted I am a virgin, so maybe there is a good deal that is flying over my head.  I think that there are rules in the bible for a reason, but I don't think that those reasons are completely outside the realm of human logic.  I hear statements like "Sex within marriage is a holy communion."  But WHY is it a holy communion?  What separates sex from eating and drinking and riding rollercoasters?  Yes, sex is an emotional experience.  Yes, sex can be intense.  Yes, sex can be dangerous.  But this is true of eating and drinking and riding rollercoasters.

Ok, my reasons at present for abstaining from sex:
Respect for my future spouse.  (Ideological)
I can't come up with a reason for pre-marital sex that doesn't stem from a selfish desire for gratification, although that really
Lack of a partner.  (Practical)

Yep, let's face it.  I can talk about my ideals until the cows come home, but what happens in the heat of the moment is entirely different.  When my mother and I were discussing this (Have you read one of the times that I mention that after I came out, I made a promise to tell my mother everything?)

My ideas and opinions change based on my experiences.  The more I live, the more I realize what is my own belief and what is my ideological heritage.

 So, I know what I want to do: I want to date this young man, and if it goes well, I will probably want to lose my virginity with him at some point.  That's what I want to do, but is that what I should be doing?  I don't know.

It doesn't seem that he is that interested in my though, so I guess my thoughts will remain thoughts, but it is a good think to think about all of this now, before I get more emotionally involved than I already am. 

Most of this was written at the end of March, 2010.  I am keeping it as it, but I want to return to the question of what is the big deal with sex in my next post.

Update on the boy situation.  A little flirting here-and-there throughout the semester, but nothing dramatic and nothing developed.  We are not in the same city for the summer.